Jan 28

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (GL) – Al Gore said Wednesday that the terms “global warming”, “climate change”, and “climate crisis” shall be immediately replaced with an unpronounceable symbol.  As he unveiled the new symbol to the media at a press conference in his hometown, the former vice president cited the continued emerging complexity of climate science as the reason for the change in nomenclature.

At a news conference in Nashville on Wednesday, Al Gore presents the unprounceable symbol that is the new name for global warming, climate change, and the climate crisis. Photo by World Resources Institute licensed by Creative Commons.

“The terms global warming, climate change and climate crisis are wholly inadequate to accurately describe the catastrophe that our planet faces if we continue to treat our atmosphere like an open sewer”, Gore said.  He added, “I recognize the difficulties the public, journalists and the consensus of scientists will have in referring to this unpronounceable symbol in spoken or printed words, therefore I would urge everyone to refer to this symbol as simply, ‘The Phenomenon Formerly Known as Global Warming’”.

Gore said, “The climate crisis, um, The Phenomenon Formerly Known as Global Warming is a true planetary emergency. It is not a political issue. It is a moral and spiritual challenge to all of humanity.”  He added, “Yes, it is cumbersome to say, but words simply fail to describe the complexity of the threat and the catastrophe we face if we fail to take decisive action to move towards a more sustainable economy. The name has changed, but the chorus of alarm bells sounding the need to address the danger continues to grow ever louder, and the planet’s very survival is at risk. This symbol is the new face of the threat that faces humanity, and yet the symbol is also intended to convey the hope and opportunity that are within our grasp if we make the right choice for ourselves, and for the the planet.”

Following Gore’s remarks, journalist Phelim McAleer asked Gore, “Mr. Gore, is this name change simply an acknowledgment that global temperatures have stabilized or gone down for the past decade, and that the science is certainly not settled given the recent Climategate and IPCC scandals?”  Gore replied, “Not at all.  The scientific consensus is stronger than ever, and The Phenomenon Formerly Known as Global Warming is posing an ever greater threat to our planet’s future, and to the future we leave our grandchildren.”  McAleer replied, “But, Mr. Gore, isn’t this just a ploy….”  Security staff aided by other journalists then intervened, and a security staff member was heard asking McAleer to sit down because it was another journalist’s turn to ask a question.

In accordance with Gore’s announcement, Dr. Rajendra Pachauri, Chairman of the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), said Wednesday evening that his panel would immediately file all papers necessary to change the name of the IPCC to the Intergovernmental Panel on The Phenomenon Formerly Known as Global Warming (IPTPFKGW).

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Oct 23

Biting satire straight from Planet Moron:

CONSENSUS WATCH – 10/22/2009

An ongoing series dedicated to vigorously monitoring emerging threats to The Consensus that global warming is real, caused by humans, and must be addressed at all costs. Because without consensus, scientific conclusions would remain vulnerable to new data.

The Consensus has come under attack from an unlikely source, the BBC, which noted that despite ever-increasing concentrations of CO2 and predictions to the contrary, the earth has been cooling over the past decade.

Fortunately these blatant appeals to logic rarely work.  Yes, people might momentarily get caught up in the facts of the moment, allowing reason to overwhelm their emotions, but when all is said and done, true adherents to The Consensus can take comfort in knowing that once everyone has had a chance to stand up and get excited, less sober minds will ultimately prevail.

For example, here is a piece of thoughtful research released by ACT ON CO2 (a creation of the UK government) that explores the very real consequences of telling a little girl that everyone is going to die.

Read the rest on Planet Moron.

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Feb 19

Too bad this isn’t for real. This is pure fantasy – they’d have to pry that Nobel out of Al Gore’s cold dead fingers.

Smooth Operator
:

Earlier today Al Gore packaged up his Nobel Peace Prize and sent it via FedEx back to Norway. In a moment of honesty following years of lies, the former Vice-President admitted that global warming was just a clever ruse aimed to put himself back in the spotlight.

“After losing the 2000 election, I felt unwanted and unloved,” explained Gore to a stunned group of reporters earlier today. “I needed something to make me once again important in the eyes of not only America but the entire world.”

Gore ascertained that the best way to accomplish this would be by creating a crisis of global scale and hence what we know today as Global warming was born. Misleading facts were floated to the public and Gore begin his much celebrated worldwide tour aimed to curb this fictitious event.

“There is no such thing as Global Warming,” said Gore. “It is nothing more than something myself and a few close friends created so that I could ride in on a white horse and save the day.”

After two straight winters of some of the chilliest weather seen in decades that has lead to widespread belief that Global Warming may in fact not be real, Gore decided that he could no longer continue this farce.

“It doesn’t take a genius to feel the weather outside and realize that Global Warming isn’t happening,” he said.

Read the rest here.

Hat tip: Climate Change Fraud

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Feb 08

Broadway World is reporting:

An Inconvenient Truth by Al Gore has won the 2009 GRAMMY Award for Best Spoken Word Album.

An Inconvenient Truth is read by Beau Bridges, Cynthia Nixon and Blair Underwood.

Al Gore will need to make some more room in the – trophy room…

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Feb 02

Given the bitterly cold winter thus far, it’s not too surprising that Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning. That means we’re in for another six weeks of winter.

In the past ten years, Punxsutawney Phil has only predicted an early spring only one year – 2007. Looking back at the previous ten years reveals a different trend: From 1990-1999, Phil predicted an early spring four times.

Remember, Punxsutawney Phil has got every bit the scientific credentials of Al Gore – none.

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Jan 27

Created by Buzz Kill Comedy.

Hat tip: The People’s Cube

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Jan 15

Solar? Wind? Much to Al Gore’s chagrin, people love their gas:

“A number of people I talked to earlier told me that they plan to go home, hug their cars, and tell their gas tanks that they love them…I spoke with someone who said we shouldn’t be sad, because that gas is in heaven now fueling the cars of the angels.”


Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline

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