Jun 28

Straight from Planet Moron:

An ongoing series dedicated to vigorously monitoring emerging threats to The Consensus that global warming is real, caused by humans, and must be addressed at all costs. Because without consensus, scientific conclusions would remain vulnerable to new data.

Last night, the House passed the American Clean Energy Security (ACES) Act, a sweeping piece of climate legislation that will result in dramatically rising costs, increased joblessness, and a massive expansion of government control over our daily lives.

However, that’s the price we’re just going to have to pay if we want to get serious about global warming and believe that it is our moral obligation to reduce temperatures nine hundredths of one degree Fahrenheit.

That’s two years worth of warming!

Think of it.  Because of this bill, our children, and their children’s children, will be enjoying the cool sweet temperatures of 2048 even when it’s actually 2050!

It’s almost like they built a fantastical time machine.  Or, as Congressman G.K. Butterfield put it, the ACES act:

“…literally will save the planet.”

Given its importance, you probably feel badly that you didn’t take the time to carefully read the ACES act.

That’s okay.  No one did.

Also, it technically doesn’t exist.

But there’s a reason for that.  Did you ever read the ingredient label on pasteurized processed cheese product?

And did you still eat it?

That is why such things really are best left to the experts.  Well, not all the experts.  Some experts disagree with The Consensus, which makes no sense at all since there wouldn’t be a consensus if everyone didn’t agree.

That is why such disagreement must be carefully suppressed.

In fact, Speaker Nancy Pelosi said that in order to pass the legislation, representatives had to bear up under overwhelming opposition from “entrenched agents of the status quo,” also known as “the constituents they represent” who rather like the entrenched status quo of having a job.

Don’t these people know Al Gore won a Tony.  Or something.

What can you do to help ensure that The Consensus remains unchallenged?

The next time someone mentions that they seem to recall reading somewhere that there is widespread and growing dissent among credible scientists regarding The Consensus and they are thinking of maybe looking into the matter with their congressman, take them aside and point out that there is overwhelming evidence that Michael Jackson just died. Madonna can’t stop crying! Justin Timberlake blogged about it! You can listen to the 911 call!

With any luck an attractive upper-class white woman will go missing when the Senate takes it up.

J.

Inappropriate Don’t forget, Consensus Watch gear will make you a pariah among your peers faster than a Sanford/Palin 2012 bumper sticker on a Hummer! We have an extensive line of “Stop raping the planet! You may, however, touch it inappropriately,” gear (coffee cup, bags, coasters, stickers, buttons), and the classic Consensus Watch coffee mug: “Consensus Watch Because without consensus, scientific conclusions would remain vulnerable to new data.

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